I've had more than one well-meaning friend say this to me. Even though this sentiment comes from a loving heart that desperately wants my dreams to come true, I do not always respond graciously when I hear it. Why? Because no matter how much anyone wants it to happen, there's no guarantee that it ever will.
Fertility treatments don't always work. They didn't for us.
Adoption attempts don't always succeed. I have several friends who have tried and are still waiting.
Saying that I will be a mom someday is of no comfort to me, because it is an empty promise that you are not capable of fulfilling.
There is only One who holds the future, and only He can make those kinds of promises. The only thing we can know without a doubt is that God has a plan for my life. It's impossible for anyone but Him to know if that plan includes children.
So, what should you say or do for someone who is dealing with infertility? Instead of making statements that you cannot guarantee, I would encourage you to find other ways to show your love and support.
Tell us you're sorry that we are hurting and that you're praying for us.
Acknowledge that our pain is real and that it's often harder on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and especially Mother's Day.
Don't judge us when we choose to protect our hearts by skipping a baby shower or a one-year-old's birthday party.
Let us grieve, but don't try to "fix" our pain.
It's hard to know what to say to someone who is hurting, especially when you haven't walked in their shoes. But you don't have to fully understand in order to be supportive.
It's okay to admit that you don't know what to say.
Sometimes just hearing that you care is enough. ♥
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Learn more about infertility here.
Read about National Infertility Awareness Week here.
Check out some other busted myths here.
8 comments:
Well done, Esther. It really is an empty promise that is hurtful and not helpful.
<3 It is so hard to hear someone promise that...and then when you try to point to the evidence otherwise, you're painted as pessimistic--which is a whole 'nother story! Beautiful post--you are a great writer!
Lovely, Esther. Thanks.
beautifully said.
Beautifully said! Thanks for posting!
Good advice, Esther, for all types of hurting and longings.
Angie
So true, Esther. Thanks for sharing your heart!
THANK YOU~ from someone who's been trying for 10 yrs, and thought I'd never be the one on the wrong side of the statistics... "but you're so healthy" and "my friend was written up in yoga journal -- here... try this!". After yoga, meditation, IUI, donor egg, egg donation, acupuncture, money money and more money and hope, I"m one of those people who did not have success. Even more remarkable: I think we may survive this. I have hope for another life, one with a man I love so very much.. it will be "just us".
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