Going Public {sort of}

No, I don't have big and exciting news, but I am finally ready to share a little bit about what's been going on "behind the scenes" in our lives.

What I'm about to share is viewed as controversial in many circles, which is why I've chosen to hold out for as long as I have.  It's also the reason I've chosen to do some purging of my Facebook friends recently -- not because I distrust or dislike certain people, but because I feel the need for more privacy due to where we are on this journey.

The circumstances in my life right now is a reality I never expected to face, but it is my reality and I don't feel like I can fully be myself if I'm not able to be more open about it.

So here we go...

I've mentioned on this blog before that Scott & I went through an IVF cycle back in 2010, and that this cycle failed.  We were heartbroken to lose several embryos in that process, but thankful for the 2 who were able to be frozen for future attempt(s).

Unfortunately, it wasn't long afterward that we found out my body couldn't support a pregnancy.  Ever.  Suddenly we were in a position we had never dreamed of being in.  We had 2 embryos, and no womb to put them in.

Surrogacy was our only option.

After 2 torturous years of waiting and praying, we were finally able to give one of our tiny babies the chance at life that he/she deserved.  Everything went perfect on the technical side, and we even got an early positive pregnancy result, but sadly we lost our precious baby a few short days later.

We are now in the beginning stages of giving our last tiny baby a chance at life.

I have a separate blog where both me and our surrogate have been posting, but I'm not quite ready to go completely public with that site yet.  Right now I would covet your support and prayers as we walk the complex road that is surrogacy.  It has been draining on us emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.

The latter is what has prompted me to write this blog post.

I hate asking for money.  HATE it.  But our surrogate (who is an amazing gift from God) is heading up a fund-raising campaign and is confident that God is going to provide what we need in order to pay for our next attempt.  I wish my faith was as strong...  I'm working on that (I say that a lot, huh?).  Please don't feel obligated to give, but if you want to...  I would be humbled and grateful beyond words.  I have included the widget below (with our first "mini-goal" total) for anyone who wishes to donate.  You can also donate via our merchandise shop that my talented friend Jenn has designed and created for us.

More than monetary donations though, I would ask for your prayers. 

I so desperately want this little one to live... and right now I can't even muster up a glimmer of hope (7 years of infertility will do that to you).

Losing this baby after waiting, hoping, and praying for him/her for 2 long years has been devastating to me...  and I'm petrified of losing our last little one. 

I know that all I can do is cling to Jesus and try to trust His plan... even though I may never understand it.