praise {whether I feel like it or not}

I love country music.  I grew up in a very conservative church and home, so listening to any music that had a {gasp} *drum beat* was forbidden.  When my sister and I were in jr. high, we got a little rebellious and started listening to country music on the sly.  Our parents eventually found out and weren't happy, but like all good parents they gave in.  ;)  Well, my dad didn't but I think he realized he'd already lost us to "the world" so there wasn't any point in fighting.  Or something like that.  (Love you, Dad!)

Anyway...  When I went away to college I was introduced to the new-to-me genre of Contemporary Christian Music and I was hooked.  Dad can blame all my Bible college buddies for that addiction.  ;)  I still listened to a lot of country music over the course of the next several years, but my music "diet" was much more balanced and varied.

A few years ago when our infertility struggle was at its worst (or so I thought!)  I made a purposeful decision to start primarily listening to Christian music.  Since then there have been MANY times when I haven't felt like listening to songs of praise and worship, but I forced myself anyway and consistently found my mood would improve after just one or two songs. That's proof to me right there that there's power in the lyrics of music.

Which brings me to today.  Currently I am at the lowest of lows, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually...  I am completely overwhelmed and burdened down by everything that is going on in our lives right now.  Scott hasn't been able to find a job.  Our house in KC will not sell.  A close family friend passed away unexpectedly last month.  We won't be seeing our families for the holidays.  I have ovarian cysts that are causing a lot of pain (which is one reason why I'm having a full hysterectomy next month).  Our finances are shot and we'll soon be buried in medical bills.  My depression and anxiety are at an all-time high.

It's just too much.

Yet today I found myself humming a tune, and before I even realized what I was doing I started quietly singing the words:  "You make all things work together for my good."  Repeatedly.

This is why I made the switch. 

Right now I'm not even listening to Christian music as consistently, yet it's still ingrained in my head.  Music is tricky like that -- getting stuck in your head whether you want it there or not.  Obviously in this case that's a very good thing since so much of Christian music is taken straight from Scripture.  What's better than having the Word of God constantly running through your head?

Even on days when I don't feel like praising Him, I find the words on my lips... and consequently they eventually make their way to my heart.

It's not a magic cure.  It doesn't change anything about my situation, but it does change my outlook.  It's hard to wallow in self-pity when you are continually reminded of the truths in the Bible.  Not that I don't still have bad days.  Trust me, I do.  I've had a lot of bad days lately.

Life is not easy, but I am a firm believer that it's easier with God.  So I will continue to rest on His promises and choose to believe the words that fill my head on a daily basis.  And I'll keep praising my Savior, whether I feel like it or not, because He gave me the greatest gift of all.

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28 (ESV)