Maybe this year will be different.
Maybe this will be the year God gives me a child.
You'd think that after 6 years I would have completely given up hope, but for some reason it's there.
It keeps coming back.
Like heartburn. ;o)
I'm not an overly optimistic person. I don't think I'm a pessimist, but I do consider myself to be a realist. When you look at all the facts in evidence, I shouldn't be very hopeful about 2011. It actually annoys me a little that I am, especially considering what a difficult year 2010 was.
But the bottom line is that I'd rather have a sliver of hope than not have any at all. Being completely devoid of hope would be a miserable way to live. Which makes me sad for those who live without the hope of Christ. I can't imagine living this life without the hope of heaven. What would be the point? But people do it every day. When you take that into consideration, my hope to be a mother is insignificant, yet it cannot be ignored. It is a God-given, natural longing, and the strongest desire of my heart.
Ultimately, my hope rests in God. He holds the future in His hands, and there's nothing I can do to change that. Nor would I want to. I have this verse hanging on my bathroom mirror, as a reminder of this. I particularly like the way it reads in The Message, because it makes me feel like God is talking directly to me:
"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11
Perhaps that's why I hope. God has a plan for my life. It's obviously not turning out exactly the way I planned it, but it really wasn't mine to plan.
God knows what He's doing. He has it all planned out.
And who knows... Maybe it is part of His plan for me to become a mom next year.
Maybe this next year will be different.
6 comments:
Hope. That word has been on my heart and mind lately. Your post was timely. I love that version of Jeremiah 29:11- how God will not abandon us. I think I will post that verse on my bathroom mirror too.
Love this so much! And it's exactly what I needed today. Thanks, friend!
I love this post, sweet Esther. Praying for your hope this year.
Love you, friend. I'm hoping with ya, too...for both of us.
I so get this. I remember year after year thinking, "Maybe this year is the one!" Sometimes it's hard to hold on to hope... but we have a God we can trust. I know it's hard. I'm holding out hope for many friends this next year.
Hope is an amazing thing! And it can only be a gift from God. Without Him, what reason does anyone have to hope?
I am praying for you and for the granting of the desire of your heart this year!
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